


do you feel scared (i do)

by symphony7inAmajor



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, actually the most important:, adam lowry is a little spoon., adam lowry's fears of abandonment ???, can't think anything else to tag without spoiling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-12-07 02:22:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18228626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/symphony7inAmajor/pseuds/symphony7inAmajor
Summary: Adam sees the headline when he’s out getting lunch.LW Brandon Tanev signs 3-year deal with Philadelphia Flyers.(it's like a nightmare)





	do you feel scared (i do)

**Author's Note:**

> back again with more prompts from tumblr
> 
> i like posting them here because i get more validation that way. yeah
> 
> prompts are from this list (again)  
> https://hellsdemonictrinity.tumblr.com/post/160523410875/angstfluff-prompt-list
> 
> 86: “Don’t be scared, I’m right here.”  
> 95: “Come cuddle.”
> 
> title from "things can only get better" by howard jones
> 
> EDIT im so stupid i forgot a summary. thats fixed now. god.  
> EDIT PART TWO the summary i changed it to sucked because i got so stressed out that i didn't have one that it was just. worse

Adam sees the headline when he’s out getting lunch.

 _LW Brandon Tanev signs 3-year deal with Philadelphia Flyers._  

He feels sick. Brandon had told him--had _promised_ him that he wanted to stay in Winnipeg.

“What do you think about trying for the Cup together next year, too?” Brandon had asked him, early in the playoffs. He’d been lying on his hotel bed, leaning back against the pillows. Adam had answered “mhm,” still flipping through channels on the TV.

“Wait,” he’d said, realizing what Brandon had actually _said_ , twisted to look at Brandon, who was grinning at him like a loon. “You--holy shit, Brandon, you’re staying, fuck,” and had pretty much jumped him right there.

After, Brandon had pressed a kiss to his shoulder and said, quiet, “I love you, you know. I’d do anything to stay with you.” Adam had turned to look at him, stunned into silence. “Even go driving in Winnipeg,” he added, smiling, and they’d both dissolved into laughter. It had felt so easy, so good--

Now _this_.

Adam stares at the headline like if he looks at it long enough it’ll change.

It doesn’t.

He notices, feeling very calm, that his hands are shaking. That’s fine. He steps out of the line, giving up on lunch, and walks back to his apartment.

His apartment that, next season, won’t be his anymore, since he’s moving in with Brandon. At least, that was the plan, Adam reminds himself, Brandon doesn’t want him anymore. Brandon’s going to Philadelphia.

Adam feels like he’s walking in a fog as he takes the elevator up to his apartment, still dazed as it takes him five attempts to get his key in the lock, and finally, when the door clicks shut behind him, the fog wears off and he realizes what’s just happened.

Brandon is leaving the city.

Brandon is leaving the team.

Brandon is leaving _him_.

Brandon is, in fact, leaving the _country_ to get away.

Adam feels like he’s going to throw up, but collapses onto the couch instead. He presses the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying very hard not to cry. He paws around blindly for the blanket he keeps on the couch, but it’s gone.

He remembers, with a terrible sort of clarity, that the blanket is at Brandon’s now, because when Brandon had come over for a movie, he’d wrapped himself up in it and fallen asleep across Adam’s lap. The next time he’d gone to Brandon’s, he’d brought the blanket and “forgotten” it there.

In fact, that seemed to be the way with most of his stuff. Brandon’s place is more like home than his own apartment now. _Never again_ , his brain reminds him, a traitorous little voice in the back of his head, and finally, finally, he starts to cry.

It takes him a while to get himself back under control, but once he stops crying, he’s determined to talk to Brandon. He knows Brandon’s still in town, packing up his things before going home to see his family for a few days.

He takes a few minutes to check his apartment for anything Brandon’s left behind. There’s not a lot to find, just a couple shirts and a hat. Adam remembers, kneeling on the floor with the hat in his hands, how it got left behind.

 

Brandon had come over on one of the first warm, sunny days of spring, one of those rare times Adam was at his own place.

“You want to go for a hike?” he’d asked, smiling lopsidedly like he knew exactly what Adam’s answer would be.

“Brandon,” Adam said patiently, “there’s still snow everywhere.” Brandon’s grin had widened.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he said, agreeably enough that Adam had felt suspicious. “Guess we should just stay in today.”

“Oh my God.” Adam had pulled him through the door to kiss him, and they’d ended up tangled together on the couch. Adam, frustrated that Brandon’s hat was in the way, had thrown it blindly away from them to get his hands in Brandon’s hair. Brandon laughed into his neck, leaned up to kiss him.

“Fuck, I love you,” he said, almost into Adam’s mouth, then kissed him again.

 

Adam shoves the memory to the back of his mind, wipes his eyes with the end of his sleeve. He stuffs Brandon’s things into a bag before going out.

He doesn’t remember driving to Brandon’s place, just walking through the doors of his building. The doorman greets him, knows who he is after having half-lived here for so many months. He doesn’t need to wait for Brandon to buzz him up, which is a relief, because he doesn’t know what he’d do if Brandon said no.

Standing in front of Brandon’s door, though, fist raised to knock, he hesitates. He doesn’t know what he’s going to say--”I thought you loved me, why are you leaving?” “You promised me you’d stay,” or something equally humiliating. He knocks anyway.

“Oh,” Brandon says when he opens the door. He doesn’t sound surprised, more resigned than anything. He looks tired; dark circles under his eyes, shoulders slumped, messy hair. Adam wants, more than anything, to pull him close and take him to bed to sleep.

“I brought your stuff,” Adam says instead. He tries very hard to keep his tone even, scared that he’ll break down again. He tosses the bag to Brandon, who lets it hit him in the chest and fall to the floor.

“Adam--” he tries.

“No, you don’t--you don’t have to.” Adam takes a step back. “I get it, it was easy or fun or whatever, you didn’t really want anything from me.” His voice cracks, and he flushes, eyes stinging. Brandon’s face is unreadable, and he seems very far away. Adam feels with a crushing certainty that, if he reached out, he wouldn’t be able to touch him.

“Yeah,” Brandon says, voice faint. Adam shivers. He’s never seen Brandon like this, cold and distant, so very unlike him. “Guess I’ll see you next season,” he says. “Goodbye, Adam.” The door closes.

“What-- _Brandon_ ,” Adam gasps. He twists the doorknob, expecting the door to be locked, but it opens easily and he stumbles through. The room beyond, though. It’s not Brandon’s apartment. It’s a gray, empty space, completely featureless. He turns, only to see the door is gone, and he’s alone, trapped in the empty space, and--

 

Adam wakes up.

The room is dark, and Adam’s freezing, his blankets gone. His face feels wet and his breathing is ragged.

_Just a dream._

“Hey.” Adam’s breath catches in his chest. Brandon’s still here, he didn’t leave, it was just a nightmare. “Hey, Adam,” Brandon says again, voice soft.

“You left,” Adam says, voice wobbling dangerously. “I dreamed--”

“Oh,” Brandon breathes. “Here, come on.” Brandon reaches out, tugs Adam closer. “Come cuddle,” he says, and Adam laughs. It comes out sounding a little wet from the tears still lodged in his throat, but Brandon makes a pleased little noise anyway. Adam lets himself be pulled into Brandon’s arms.

“Why do I have to be the little spoon,” Adam asks, not complaining. Brandon kisses his shoulder.

“Because I said so,” Brandon says sternly. He strokes his thumb steadily over Adam’s stomach.

“What if I go back?” Adam whispers. Brandon makes an inquisitive noise. “To the dream, I mean.”

“You don’t have to be scared,” Brandon says. “I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.” Adam sighs, finally able to relax. No matter what dreams he has, Brandon will still be here in the morning.

Brandon holds him until he slips into a deep, dreamless sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> was this mean
> 
> spoiler alert brandon signs a sexy contract with the jets and then they get married.
> 
> also adam little spoon inspired by that one picture of roslovic holding him. you know  
> (this one) https://jetsmorrissey.tumblr.com/post/181023335253/the-best-thing-about-this-picture-is-the-comments
> 
> please ask me to write things on tumblr  
> https://symphony7inamajor.tumblr.com


End file.
